Finding Gratitude Amidst the Chaos

Episode Blog

INTRO: this week’s episode of CACM Chat HOA Life to hear exclusive insights and expert perspectives on community association management from leaders across California. This podcast is about the hard work that managers do to positively impact the lives of more than 15 million residents living in over 50,000 homeowner associations across California.

ALIA: Welcome to the CACM Chat HOA Life podcast where no topic is off limits. Thank you, guys, for being here. I am tuning in this beautiful morning for Tom before I hit the road and go to Coachella Valley, Palm Desert. But I wanted to pop in. Actually, it could be evening when you’re listening. So, I guess you could do a gratitude drinking game if you’re not, you know, have to be anywhere. But other than that, it’s a beautiful morning and freezing morning in Costa Mesa. My heater is officially on.

But it’s tis the season for gratitude. We’re not just going into the end of November, we’re going into holiday season. And Thanksgiving is this week, if you’re listening to it, during that timeframe. And as we move into the holiday season, we have so much to be grateful for. And on those long days and the late nights and the early mornings and budget season and the holiday shopping and all the things, it’s hard to keep gratitude top of mind.

I read a quote recently that said, gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. And I love that because it’s not what we’re lacking, it’s what we currently have and that contentment is life-changing. So, we’re going to get super short and sweet today and I hope these are just good reminders. But I really wanted this episode, obviously the season of Thanksgiving, we always talk about what we’re grateful for, but I really think it should be all year long.

It should be like a daily practice. I feel like I’m naturally like a pessimistic person and I feel like I’m a worry wart and I overanalyze everything and I’m a thinker. If there’s a difficult thing I need to overcome, I have to like go inwards and think about it until I have a solution and not quick witted and quick on my feet like some people I know are and that’s a gift. So, gratitude legit helps us with our overall health and happiness.

And since I know that about myself, I try to make it a daily practice. Why is gratitude good for us? It’s a way for people to appreciate what we have instead of reaching for something new in the hopes that it’s going to make us happier in the future or thinking that they can’t, or we can’t feel satisfied until something physical or materialistic is met. Gratitude just really helps us refocus on what we have instead of what we’re lacking. So, putting it into practice.

I personally try to express my gratitude daily, knowing that I’m a naturally pessimistic person, which probably comes to surprise to most people. But yeah, anyway, not to knock my brain, but I think I do it daily so that I can combat that. Before I get out of bed, I read 10 pages in whatever book I’m reading.

 I say, three things in my mind or out loud. If Brett’s not around, I kind of do it out loud, but if he is around, I do it in my head. Three things I’m grateful for that day. And then I make the bed, then I feed the dogs, then I do the things. But my good friend actually takes it a step further and she always does it in the evening and she actually journals. And I get her thought process. By the end of the day, I’ve done so much. I’m like, I’m done. Makeup off, get in bed, walk the dog to be done.

I like her thought process that she journals every night because the entire day, no matter how crappy her day is, she’s looking for those moments of gratitude to write down that night. And I love that thought process too. I’m not that dedicated, but props to her. So, I’m going to start my gratitude today with you guys. I’m driving to Coachella, so I’m grateful for a full tank of gas. I don’t have to stop at the gas station before I go. I am grateful for this holiday season officially this next week.

It’s hoodie and jacket weather. It’s dorky crappy acting Christmas movies. It’s the sweets. It’s the lights. It’s the gift giving. It’s the holiday parties. It’s the holiday give back events, dressing up. It’s the traditions. And I think traditions is the best part. And I am grateful for the cold weather so I could wear my brand-new jacket. So going off to traditions, I am very curious what your Thanksgiving traditions look like.

I shared this with my team and it’s super corny, but we always have these crazy like 40 to 60 people Thanksgiving’s. This year’s going to be a little bit different, but my mom always writes down these like grateful quotes or verses or whatever. It’s like just little simple quotes. And my family tends to be the family where if you don’t have anywhere to go to Thanksgiving, you get invited to our Thanksgiving.

It’s always shocking seeing people’s faces when they see this tradition, but everybody has to pull from a bag, and they have to read it out loud. And then you get the snapping of the fingers and it’s the poems, it’s the verses, it’s the quotes, it’s whatever, but it’s always about gratitude. And it’s so funny because I think everybody loathes it and loves it all at the same time. So, I’m looking forward and I’m grateful for those traditions that are coming.

Back to gratitude, if you are doing the drinking game, you’re going to hear a lot of this, but one of the most powerful ways we can rewire our brain for more joy and less stress, snaps on that, is to focus on gratitude. So, some simple ways to become more grateful in our day-to-day practices, not just for the amazing holidays that are coming. Shout out to my friend who already does this but keeping a gratitude journal.

It also kind of helps us in those seasons where it is difficult to look back and be like, my gosh, I’ve come such a long way. And I think when you write them down, I mean, I don’t care if you’re just writing, if you’re in a tough season and you’re writing down, I got a green light on the way to work today. There was less traffic today. My heater’s on right now. Like whatever it is, we can be grateful for that.

And if we have food in our fridge, a working car and a warm bed, we are already doing better, so much better than most. So, we have so much to be grateful for. If you’re listening to this, you probably have a phone that, you know, there’s countries that don’t have access to it. So, recalling those moments of gratitude for those day-to-day things really brings you back in alignment.

 Remembering the bad, that’s the next one. So, I don’t think, I would say most people don’t want to do this, but I think remembering the difficult seasons of life, whatever that looked like for you, and then where you’re at currently really kind of puts things in perspective like, my gosh, how far I’ve come. I’m in such a better place. What a great season I’m in now. So, it’s not so much like dwelling on it, but it’s just being grateful that you’re in a different season and being mindful of that you’ve come this far. My favorite, sharing your gratitude with others.

This is huge. And I think day-to-day we don’t think about others. We’re thinking of our to-do list, ourselves, our families, go, go, go, go, go. But if somebody does something for you, lets you over on the freeway, a coworker handles something for you without asking, whatever, we have to express that gratitude. It strengthens relationships. Using visual reminders and coming in alignment with our senses also helps gratitude.

When I think of this, certain things can be like a cue or a trigger that can ignite a sense of gratitude. And that could be as simple as like a sunset or a sunrise or a freezing cold morning when you’re going on a walk or get into the gym and being proud of yourself. Like, my gosh, I made it. I’m so grateful for myself right now. I think those visual reminders can, I mean, I’m going to use the beach, a sunset, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves and that sunset. I mean, there’s a lot of gratitude and that’s a free thing. There’s no money that goes into that. So, what are your visual reminders and use those as cues.

Making a vow to practice gratitude daily helps, whatever that looks like for you. And then watching our language. I think people that use language like giver or blessing or blessed or fortune or fortunate or abundance or grateful or I appreciate you, think that language inherently helps you, but also helps those around you.

And then going through the motions. So, a smile. If you’re having a difficult day, just reprogramming your thought process and kind of being grateful for where you’re at and being kind to yourself actually helps too. So, I’ll use this as an example. And I think I’ve said this before, so bear with me if you’ve already heard this but, 60 to 70,000 thoughts per day, and 93 % of them are normally repetitive. So, what are you telling yourself? And are you grateful for moving your body and getting to the gym this morning or reading that book or finishing that project or whatever it is, being kind to yourself and going through the motions? I think a simple text or email is pretty basic. Thank you, right? But taking it a step further and doing like a handwritten note.

Who does that anymore? I love them. I cherish those. And then, you know, I kind of did a little research online and studies have shown that our lives are better with gratitude too. So, one of the studies was Berkeley’s Greater Good. It was a magazine for Berkeley. And many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less stressed. I’ll take less stress any day. Okay, I’ll do that. One group for Harvard Health, one group wrote about things that were grateful for what they occurred in a week during a study. And the second group wrote daily irritations. I’m sure we can write down all of things that irritate us or things that have displeased them during the day. And then the third group wrote about events that affected them with no emphasis on either being positive or negative, more just factual. And after 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, had significant less stress, and surprisingly, they also exercised more, felt better, and had fewer visits to the doctor than who focused on the aggravation.

So, what does that say? Thoughts become things, thoughts manifest in our body, you know, and I think a simple gratitude practice will kind of combat that. The next one was a large study conducted at Virginia Commonwealth University showed that thankfulness predicted a significant lower risk to the following.

Depression, anxiety, phobia, nicotine and alcohol dependence, and drug abuse. That’s from NAMI. That’s huge. Time Magazine. Experiments have shown that the whole partake in the three good things exercise, which funny enough I already brought up, which is the name suggests prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day or what they’re grateful for that day, see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness.

Managers, this is a big one. Managers who remember to say thank you to people who work their tails off for them may find that employees feel more motivated and want to work harder for them. So true. Leaders that I currently have and had in the past that really appreciate my work, I want to do better, right? And it’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s just, when you get excited that somebody else is excited with you and they’re proud of your work, you want to do it the best possible.

So that totally makes sense. So, researchers at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania randomly divided university fundraisers into two groups. One group made phone calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way that they always had done. And the second group assigned to work on a different day did the same thing, but they received a pep talk from the director of annual giving who told the fundraisers how grateful she was for their efforts, how hard they worked, kind of just praised them.

And during the following week, the university employees who heard this message of gratitude made 50 % more fundraising on those calls than those who did not get that pep talk. So, an abundance way of saying, and a huge way of saying, this clearly improves our health, this strengthens our relationships.

It increases productivity with us and our teams. It reduces envy. It promotes, you know, helping behavior. It increases happiness, lowers stress levels, helps you deal with adversity, and it helps, I mean, especially with kids, I would assume, helps with high self-esteem. So, all this to wrap up in a nutshell, November is like such a fun time because we’re- Actually, it’s more like Halloween kicks off that fun holiday season, right? But then Thanksgiving is when traditions start and it’s all about gratitude and being gracious.

And I just hope that if you are in a tough season or if you are in a busy season, that you can remember the little things. Because the little things that we don’t pay for are the things that make life so much sweeter. And so, all this to be said, have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your families.

Thank you to every single one of our members or whoever is listening to this, even if it’s one person. I hope you have the best Thanksgiving. Each member of ours helps bring CACM to life. Your feedback, your support, your participation, your ideas, the committees, the teachers that help our education program, the sponsorships to help us make events happen.

We couldn’t do what we do without you guys. And so, for that, in a nutshell, we are so grateful for you, and I am so grateful for you. This is going to be almost a year that I’ve been here, and it’s been such a great experience because of you guys. So happy Thanksgiving from me and all of CACM. Tune in next week for actual HOA topics. And if you have any ideas, please email us at podcast@cacm.org. I hope to see you soon.

OUTRO: And that concludes this week’s episode of CACM Chat HOA Life. Have questions you want answered? Send them to podcast@cacm.org and we’ll address them in an upcoming episode. Make sure to regularly check out our website at cacm.org. And don’t forget to join our rapidly expanding social media community. Just follow @CACMchat on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and X. Thanks for joining me.